Ranting...

This is a rant blog...Have you ever wanted to just run away and not tell anyone where you are at? That's the way I've been feeling lately! I'm to the point to where I don't feel happy anymore with where I'm at in life. I feel miserable and it doesn't seem to be getting better. I just want to be alone and have peace and quiet! There is always someone at my house and its never quiet anymore. Babies crying, kids screaming, people arguing over stupid stuff, etc. I just want to scream! Seems like all I want to do is cry anymore. I'm always so tired and don't want to do anything anymore. I wanna lay in bed in the dark with the blanket over my head and cry! Whats wrong with me? I ask myself that all the time! I really dont know whats wrong. I used to be the bubbly Justin and was always laughing and cutting up. I still do those things but now I just do it to hide behind all this crap. I just dont know what to do anymore. I'm calling for help but it seems like one of those nightmares you have where someone is trying to kill you and you can see yourself screaming but nothing is coming out and no one can hear you. ugh! i hate this feeling so much. and on top of all this i have feelings for someone who definitely doesnt have feelings for me and so im trying to deal with that and its hard! if you read in my earlier blog about "J" then you will know what im talking about! ugh!!! what do i do? i just want to run away and never come back. almost like julia roberts in sleeping with the enemy! she just moves across the US, changes her name and appearance and no one knows who she is. im done ranting for the moment...

holidays...

Sorry it's been a while since I posted a blog I've just been crazy busy! Let's go back to Christmas! Christmas was pretty good this year. I made tons and tons of desserts and everyone loved them! It wasn't the same though without the person you love sitting next to you opening gifts with your family. As many of you know this is my first year alone for the holidays. My partner and I called it quits during the summer. So it was different not having someone during the holidays. Yes I had my family but it wasn't the same. It was like one of those moments where everyone is sitting around having a good time and suddenly all noise just disappears and you start to realize that you are hiding under your fake smile. Hopefully things will get better soon. But over all it was a good Christmas.

I will tell you about my new year's later tonight when I'm alone because it seems to bring out the tears in me ...