My first official blog post...

I have been talking to this amazing guy for the last 2 1/2 months and I seem to have started having very strong feelings for him. He truly is an amazing person. In this blog I will refer to him as "J." When we first started talking I wasn't having a very good day and J would NOT let me have a bad day whatsoever. He tried everything just to make me laugh...well it worked! Ever since that day I haven't stopped laughing with him . J has definitely brightened my world! Am I happy? Yes! Am I stupid? Yes! Why? Because from day one he has told me he was not interested in any relationship with anyone and I accepted that because I wasn't looking either. I wanted friends! As most of you know I just came out of a very serious relationship back in July so as of no means was I looking for a relationship! If anything, I was just looking for friends and maybe friends with some benefits! But last week after having a amazing time talking to J, I realized something...I think I really like this guy and have very strong feelings for him! Did I tell him? No...until lastnight *sighs* I couldnt keep this feeling inside anymore. I didnt want to tell him because we have talked about just being friends and like I said earlier neither one of us wanted a relationship. So after a long conversation lastnight I decided I would tell J how I felt about him. I told J after 2 1/2 months of talking to him and having amazing all night conversations on the phone for hours every night, I feel like I am falling for him. His reaction? Speechless at first. I didn't expect him to say anything because I know his not interested in a relationship but he kept apologizing as well as I. I apologized because I set my ownself up for heartache again even after he told me he wasn't interested in anything serious. But he kept saying to me that it was not my fault that we can not control how we feel. Is that true? I didn't plan on this happening. I just cant help it. J makes me laugh constantly ! We talk on the phone for hours upon hours every day and talk about absolutely nothing and still have a great time. Last weekend we were on the phone and J was out with some friends and they started talking about the gay lifestyle. I also had people here on my end and we were discussing the lifestlye as well. We had so much fun talking on the fun together while discussing these topics with our straight friends lol..it was an amazing night! it was almost like we were actually in the room together. it was definitely a great night...and then we both layed down in bed and was talking and he got quiet thats when I realized he fell asleep talking to me on the phone...so adorable! all i could do was smile and i said goodnight and hung up the phone. it felt like i was lying right next to him telling him goodnight. anyway sorry i got off track again...so can we really control our feelings? hmmm its something to think about i guess. i truly like this guy and i know hes not interested in anything more than friendship...so what do i do now? take a few steps back? something to think about i guess...well until next time bloggers!